Crippling Depression and Other Light Fare
Being unemployed is really starting to drag me down. It really frustrates me that I have to have a job in order to be balanced and happy; I hate having a job.
Admittedly, since moving to Savannah I have only made cursory efforts to get a job. I've been applying for jobs that I have no chance of getting on both ends of the spectrum - jobs for which I'm not yet qualified and jobs that I'm so over-qualified for they won't hire me. I seem to be in some weird in between place where no one will hire me.
The sad fact though, is that I've been in that place for several years now. I applied for jobs - also haphazardly - for about 6 months after finishing my first Master's degree. Unfortunately, I spent most of the time intoxicated watching reruns of Buffy on F/X, or illegally downloading music and movies. After that I started waiting tables (both in Savannah and in Harrisonburg) and continued to do that until we moved back here.
I can't get a job with my old Master's degree - 1) because teaching sounds absolutely awful and 2) it's been over three years since I finished it, so I'm sure that any potential interviewers would be dubious about hiring me, and 3) jobs in higher education are hard to get, and jobs in lower education, though more plentiful, suck (I'm sure).
So what do I do now? Do I wait to hear back on the applications and resumes that are out? There aren't that many of them, and I have absolutely no faith that I'll even get an interview, much less get hired...don't get me started on my horrendous interview skills.
Or do I suck it up, and start looking for another job schlepping food to people? I feel so bitter about being a waiter again at 26 that I want to cry. How am I supposed to provide friendly service if I despise my job and myself? Shit.
Why can't I be happy when I don't work? I know I need to work for monetary reasons, but why for emotional reasons? Why is self-respect and self-worth so tied to employment?
Admittedly, since moving to Savannah I have only made cursory efforts to get a job. I've been applying for jobs that I have no chance of getting on both ends of the spectrum - jobs for which I'm not yet qualified and jobs that I'm so over-qualified for they won't hire me. I seem to be in some weird in between place where no one will hire me.
The sad fact though, is that I've been in that place for several years now. I applied for jobs - also haphazardly - for about 6 months after finishing my first Master's degree. Unfortunately, I spent most of the time intoxicated watching reruns of Buffy on F/X, or illegally downloading music and movies. After that I started waiting tables (both in Savannah and in Harrisonburg) and continued to do that until we moved back here.
I can't get a job with my old Master's degree - 1) because teaching sounds absolutely awful and 2) it's been over three years since I finished it, so I'm sure that any potential interviewers would be dubious about hiring me, and 3) jobs in higher education are hard to get, and jobs in lower education, though more plentiful, suck (I'm sure).
So what do I do now? Do I wait to hear back on the applications and resumes that are out? There aren't that many of them, and I have absolutely no faith that I'll even get an interview, much less get hired...don't get me started on my horrendous interview skills.
Or do I suck it up, and start looking for another job schlepping food to people? I feel so bitter about being a waiter again at 26 that I want to cry. How am I supposed to provide friendly service if I despise my job and myself? Shit.
Why can't I be happy when I don't work? I know I need to work for monetary reasons, but why for emotional reasons? Why is self-respect and self-worth so tied to employment?
5 Comments:
Your best-written post yet, Zippy. I even like the title.
The situation sucks, but you know what you have to do, man.
And quit ignoring your phone. I left a rare John Prine album at the record store today because your whiny-ass was too depressed to pick up the phone and look it up for me.
I really like John Prine's stuff - though it isn't the sort of music that I listen to very often. Emily and I actually had one of his songs on our wedding album, In Spite of Ourselves. Em really liked it, and though I originally thought it was corny, it grew on me very fast.
Jesus, does your wife actually put up with this shit?
Which shit? My not working or my constant complaining?
I'd say it's all shit...
Post a Comment
<< Home