Very Large Spider!
Last night, I noticed some brown furriness in the corner of my bathroom - behind the toilet. I flushed and jumped back as the brown furriness unfurled into legs and abdomen, scurrying to the ceiling in no more than a second. I grabbed the nearest weapon - a toilet plunger and jabbed at it. It ran to the other corner of the ceiling and glared at me...Menacingly.
You should have seen this spider! I woke up my wife to come look at it, but it had already disappeared. I am prone to exaggeration - I would usually say it was the size of a Volkswagen or at least the size of a lobster. But because this spider was so damned big, I'm going to keep it straight - this spider was a little smaller than a CD - I think that if you stretched its legs out it could cover a CD. This thing is currently living somewhere in my bathroom...and I kinda have to go.
I'm not arachnaphobic or anything; generally I have a policy with spiders - you guys can live in the corners with your webs, but if you come down past eye level you will be removed. I usually don't even kill them, just move them.
This spider broke the rules! I don't even think it was a web building kind of spider. This morning, I made the mistake of looking up spider information and now I'm all itchy and tweeky and freaked out. In a minute, I am going to go back in to slay the beast - though if I actually find it, I may just run away again.
Wish me luck.
(Not actual spider (mine was bigger and meaner looking))
You should have seen this spider! I woke up my wife to come look at it, but it had already disappeared. I am prone to exaggeration - I would usually say it was the size of a Volkswagen or at least the size of a lobster. But because this spider was so damned big, I'm going to keep it straight - this spider was a little smaller than a CD - I think that if you stretched its legs out it could cover a CD. This thing is currently living somewhere in my bathroom...and I kinda have to go.
I'm not arachnaphobic or anything; generally I have a policy with spiders - you guys can live in the corners with your webs, but if you come down past eye level you will be removed. I usually don't even kill them, just move them.
This spider broke the rules! I don't even think it was a web building kind of spider. This morning, I made the mistake of looking up spider information and now I'm all itchy and tweeky and freaked out. In a minute, I am going to go back in to slay the beast - though if I actually find it, I may just run away again.
Wish me luck.
9 Comments:
Spiders make it a habit to live outside the rules.
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You should have another drink, john...
spicybasil is my friend Sarah from college. Maybe I should hook you two up, you'd be perfect for one another! John's a drunken prick and Sarah is....well nevermind, I can't say rude things about Sarah because we don't have the sort of relationship where we can be cruel to each other and know that it is affectionate :)
So don't worry, no strangers are reading my blog, though she did read your blog - and she had some things to say about it!
I'm not sure I'm comfy with friends of yours reading my blog. I would prefer my readers to be people I have no connection to whatsoever. Actually, I think you should stop reading my blog, as it's brought me nothing but trouble. Of course, that will be a pretty drastic decline in my fanbase (roughly, oh, 100% or so).
Who wants me to have another drink? Is that you, Spice-girl? I think you know who it is, Zippy.
Don't think I didn't catch you subtly sticking up for me with that bit about us being able to be cruel to one another as a form of affection. I'm really touched that you would defend me when you have no ulterior motives for doing so. It goes a long way towards balancing the many things you do that get on my nerves.
John, I see you've been busy, deleting the effluvium of your most recent bender.
Yeah, you made me feel bad about it, Spicee.
*I* made you feel bad? I don't even know you...Awww, poor snoogums hadda second thought...
You two, cool it! Or at least start making rude comments at each other on some other posts so that I don't have to scroll down here.
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